Paralysis by Inertia

I don’t even know what country I’ll be living in in nine months. Not to mention what part of the country I’ll be living in, what job I will have (presumably) acquired, where I will be living, who my friends will be, or any other of the typical ‘unknowns.’ Which brings me to my recent aha! moment. I think the real mark of being an adult is the necessity of making huge, potentially life changing decisions without having a clue of what the future holds. 

Two years ago, I never anticipated needing to make a decision like this. A year ago, I was paralyzed by the (unconscious) need to make a decision like this. Six months ago, I threw up my hands, said ‘what the hell’ and made one of those decisions. Now, though, I’m needing to make decisions on an even more frequent basis and it is both terrifying and exhilarating. 

Recently, an extraordinary line startled me while reading a fairly average book. The line (which is now stuck to my wall on a blue PostIt note) says: "Here, I understood, was someone who would not allow me to take comfort in inertia." (The Aviator’s Wife). Decisions are not part of inertia. Decisions are part of action. 

Which, in an interesting turn of events, is something I thought about quite extensively about three years ago. Funny how things come back to haunt encourage you. 

I recently wrote a blog post about upcoming transitions in my life that I decided not to post - it seemed too ... something, pathetic maybe? Just before deleting it, a second unposted blog caught my attention. The above is an excerpt from that unposted blog I wrote back in January 2016. Below is the blog post I wrote two days ago.

Book Smorgasbord #1

As an avid reader and a wanna-be blogger, I feel an embarrassing amount of guilt at how much I hate writing book reviews. Anyone who knows me, however, knows that I love talking about the books I read. It doesn't make sense, I know. So I am going to try a new thing where instead of telling myself that I will write a full book review for each book I read (LOL), I am going to just write a few sentences about a few that stand out and smash them all together in a single blog post now and then. Hopefully this is more interesting for anyone reading my blog and more realistic for anyone writing my blog (uh, me). We'll see how it goes.

Round Two

Just over three years ago I posted for the first time to Under Silver Skies. In reading that first blog, I realized I am essentially in the same place (as a blogger) as I was then. In other words, I'm not very good at blogging. 

But I'm going to give it another go, starting with my second attempt at the Day Zero Project. It isn't as trendy among bloggers as it was then, but I love the idea of making 101 goals to accomplish over 1001 days. You can head over to my original 101 in 1001 post to read the rules and get some background on why I am doing this. 

So, here we go again. I'm going to attempt to blog about these goals, both so people who are interested can keep up with what I'm doing and also to have a record I can look back on. I am still nervous and still scared and still a little embarrassed to post my thoughts, dreams, and ideas on the internet. The whole goal of the project is to try new things, though. Or retry new things, as the case may be. I hope you'll stay tuned and let me know what you think, or don't, the nervous side of me would be just fine with that too. 

-A

#Ladyboss

Yesterday I felt like a #Girlboss (or #Ladyboss, if we want to be a bit more flattering).

A few weeks ago I was asked to step in for a presenter at a seminar for an industry group meeting. Did it take a few people saying "no" for them to end up with me? Obviously. I nailed it, though. Not to toot my own horn, but people were engaged, they laughed at my jokes, and I networked like a champ. This isn't why I felt like a #Ladyboss, though. (Is the hashtag getting annoying? Too bad.)

I declared the day a success because I stepped far outside of my comfort zone and did something I felt completely unsuited for.

Transitions

I have not been very consistent with blogging this time around. My first inclination is to say that even though I’m living in a very cool place doing a very cool thing, ‘life is still life’ (my catchphrase, it would seem). Looking back on it, though, there are definitely things I could have blogged about. I could have blogged about the incredible time my friends and I had in Amsterdam - visiting the Van Gogh museum, strolling across canals, hitting a biker (yes, I hit him - he didn’t hit me), visiting the Museum of Prostitution, and the many discussions over a glass (ha!) of wine. I could have blogged about any one of my work placements (mini internships) in various publishing companies - September Publishing, Macmillan, Hachette. I could have blogged about any number of London restaurants, museums, and venues. I could have blogged about London theatre or, lets be real, meeting Kit Harington (still dying). Alas, I didn’t, but here we are.

Museum Musings

Last week, along with a friend, I visited an Imperial War Museum in London. There, WWII fighter planes dangle from the ceiling and a jeep is frozen just before it drives off the second floor. We guessed how many uniform-clad school children running about could be jammed into the single-man bomb shelter, and we squinted at paraphernalia and pamphlets. We laughed at the sassy letters evacuated children wrote to their parents, and we commented on clothing styles, many of which we find on streets today. We walked in silence through the holocaust exhibit, which bars anyone under the age of 14, and watched in rapture as Hitler spoke.

A quote from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone stuck out to me as a child, and to this day it comes to mind when I hear Hitler speak. Harry has just received his wand at Ollivander’s when the wandmaker says, “I think we must expect great things from you, Mr. Potter . . . After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things — terrible, yes, but great.”

The New Job

I am still working at my previous job, but I am now also working at Starbucks. Not exactly the "new job" that I was thinking of as I wrote down my goals, but it is a new job.

I decided to apply at Starbucks late on a Saturday night, bored, lonely, and ready to try something new. Within 48 hours I had been interviewed and hired, so I suppose it was meant to be. I really do think it was - I have met so many great people, learned a skill I have always wanted to learn, and am doing something that I simply wanted to do without there being a real "purpose".

Although, I do think there was a greater purpose that I was unaware of in the beginning. Like I said, I have met a lot of great people, I have learned a new skill, I have something that occupies my days and gets me out of my apartment. It has also been a bit of a learning experience in that I have fully realized how prideful I am.

Let me explain. I wanted to work at Starbucks (or a coffee shop of some kind). I was excited to start learning about coffee and the process of creating these different beverages. I was looking forward to meeting new people and thrilled to be doing something active each day. Yet, I didn't actually tell many people that I had this new job. When I did tell people, it was always with the explanation that this is something that I chose, something I wanted, and most importantly not something I needed or had to do.